


Tell Me Again

by obsessivelyintrigued



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Reincarnation, but i cant be sure, its like a soulmate au, more tags to add
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-05-31 10:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6465976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivelyintrigued/pseuds/obsessivelyintrigued
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Almost.</i> The saddest word ever invented. We almost made it. We were almost there. We almost said it. </p><p>  <i>We were almost together.</i></p><p>Time can be beautiful and treacherous at the same time. Time can bend fate at its will. Time can bend stories at its will. Stories can turn to legends. Legends can turn to myths. </p><p>And this time, they were the Pilot and his fallen Knight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> I know Star Wars happened "a long time ago in a galaxy far far away" but hey, i gotta make it work, lol.

**"You know, you could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve him."**  
-Suzanne Collins

 

* * *

 

 

"Tell me."

Poe sat up, shocked. They were lying beneath the Force sensitive tree by the Dameron's on Yavin IV. "You mean to tell me you haven't heard of the Greatest Love Story Ever Told?!"

Ben just shook his head, "I didn't even know about it until now."

Smiling widely, Poe moved to lean his back on the tree. "Well, prepare yourself because you're in for some long storytelling, Organa."

When Ben turned his head to glare at him, he corrected himself with a smirk. " _Organa-Solo."_

"Just get on with it, Dameron."

"It started like this..." Poe paused to gaze up at the stars. "There was once a young boy destined to be with someone forever. Time and time again. They will always find each other. No matter the circumstances, no matter the time, no matter what fate throws at them. They will always be together...  
And one time, it happened like this:"

 

* * *

 

_One_ _summertime_ _on Planet Earth by the Solar System a boy was born to a great family. A family of great power._

_Destined to rule a kingdom, he was trained at such a young age with swords and knives -bow and arrows, anything that contributes to his fighting skills. Taught about politics and war strategies. To put his kingdom first was his living principle as he grew._

_The boy's mother - the Queen, cares deeply for her son. But tends to neglect him at times when her title calls for her. And when the now young man was called to train_ _they barely see each other._

_Despite being the prince, the young man rarely appreciates the way he was treated. For above all, he wishes to be treated non-differently -to be treated like a normal boy who belonged to a normal family and have a normal life and normal friends._

_Not this. Not when his every move is watched. Not when all he can play with since his father deemed him capable was swords and books and bloody politics._

_Not the "You're the only heir. Live up to your title and the power entrusted to you."_

_He hates it when people addresses him as "Prince Samuel" why can't they just call him "Sam" like the way he wants to be called._

_One night, the young prince sneaked from his Uncle after training the whole day and took a stroll in the forest. Completely armed with swords, daggers, bow and arrow -he knows he's perfectly safe around these woods._

_When he reached his favorite spot_ _-a small clearing with the trees parted just the right way to allow moonlight to pass through, to gaze upon the starts while lying comfortably on the ground- he started removing all the gears from his body. Leaving him feeling light and comfortable after a whole day weighed down by sharp metals._

_The Prince smiles to himself. He likes this better. Being surrounded by trees jnstead of soldiers. Gazing upon the starts instead of books filled with history. The very air you breathe leaving you calm and serene._

_But that calmness and serenity broke when he heard a soft rustle._

_The prince quickly sat up. Bringing his bow and arrow, and putting a dagger to his boots he wasted no time climbing the tree behind him._

_His sharp eyes scans his surroundings. Having used to the low light cast by the moon to the trees, he quickly saw where the rustling came from._

_A squirrel is protectively holding his prize while staring at something behind a tree. Prince Sam can see its shadow on the other side, now if only he could get a right angle._

_Backing up slowly in the branch, he hangs his feet on either side of it and leans back. He carefully draws an arrow while taking a good look to his potential attacker. He aims and..._

_A hand shoot out to catch the arrow in time._

_Sam quickly jumped out of the tree, slinging his bow to his shoulders and picking up his swords. He charged to the tree, aiming to corner whoever it is with a sharp end of a sword to his throat._

_But his sword was met by a sword as well. A man stepped out behind the tree, one hand in his sword and the other still grasping the arrow._

_"Easy, young Prince-"_

_"Stop calling me that."_

"Sam, then. I was sent by your mother to look out for you."

_"I don't need you to be my chaperone, Jean." Sam gritted out of his teeth. "You can go back to where you come from."_

_"I cannot go back to my city. I have nothing to go back to, Samuel." The man said. He wasn't that tall, barely reaching the Prince's head. He was a few years older than him. His physique not too defined despite being trained as a soldier._ _"Besides, I've always wished to be like my parents, serving the kingdom with all our might."_

_"But you are not entitled to follow me around. I do not wish for your constant company." Sam argued. "Why can't I have some alone time to myself?!" He added, a little more exasperated._

_Jean smirked, "Feeling a little more sneaky, Sammy?"_

_"Shut up." Sam said._

_The soldier just chuckles, "I am here not only to serve your kingdom, Sam. I am here to serve you." Jean said, staring deeply at the other boy's eyes as the moon shines down on them. "I will always be here for you."_

_After that, he just smiles -a sad look glistening in his eyes before it was replaced by slight mirth. "Don't stay out for long, Sammy. I'll see you around."_

_The next time they met, it was in the battlefield. The Prince was crowned King several months after their meeting in the forest, when his Father died. And this was their first battle._

_Victory is near as the enemy slowly backed up with their remaining numbers. The King stood side by side with his second in command as the rest of the soldiers finish off the rest of their opponent._

_"Not bad, Sammy." Jean smiled at him. He whistles and two horses come up to them. They mount and the rest of the soldiers returned to the kingdom to celebrate their victory._

_But the last time they met was the time when Jean tried to talk to Sam before he departs for an urgent meeting of the Kings to stop the conquerors coming from the west._

_"Sam, -" Jean started. He doesn't know what's stopping him. The secrecy of the King's room is enough for him to know that no one is listening. But he-_

_"Jean, I need you to be in constant guard. No one knows where I will be aside from the three of the Knights I will take with me." Sam faces him, a serious look on his face before he stopped and stares at him._

_"What is it, Jean?" Sam asked._

_"Nothing. It's nothing." That same sad look was back in his eyes before he concealed it with cold, hard determination. "I will do anything you ask me of."_

_Sam walked slowly towards his soldier, his second in command, his only friend. The one he will trust the safety of this Kingdom with. "Tell me."_

_"I can't. I'm sorry."_ _Jean refuses to look at him._

" _Why not?"_ _Sam said, taking another step towards Jean -trying to make him look at his eyes._

_"Because you're the King."_ _Jean said finally looking at Sam with a defeated expression._

_Sam frowns, "How does that-"_

_"I will guard the Kingdom until you come back. I will make sure no one will know your destination." Jean smiles at him. "Until we meet again, Sammy."_

_The King and his men departs by nightfall. Aiming to conceal their departure through the night._

 

_But t_ _he conquerors arrived by midnight._

 

_Jean was pacing back and forth in his quarters. A pen and quill resting on his table where he keeps glancing at. Then the horns blare._

_He looked out of the window and saw the conquerors marching towards their walls, ready to attack._

_He ran back to his table and quickly scrabbles a few words. The stationary smudged with ink through his haste._

_He sealed the letter then stormed out of his room._

_He ordered the captain to gather his troops. They're going to follow the King's planned startegy to defend the walls. The Queen, together with the women and children are to be_ _kept safe on the underground._

_Jean entrusted the letter to a young girl. "The King will return, and when he does, I want you to give this to him."_

_The girl nods, she gaze as though she perfectly understand this -this letter._

_"Thank you." Jean said, and kissed her on the forehead before ushering her with the rest to the underground._

_The captain fell along beside him as he took the steps to the tower overlooking the other side of the walls._

_"Is our manpower enough?"_

_"Yes sir, the enemy's number is around three thousand. Not enough to breach the walls-"_

_"But enough to reach the wall." Jean concluded._

_And when the fight started, he was right. The enemy is mounting ladders to reach the wall and their defense is failing. He ordered to sound the horn, hoping that if his King hears it he would understand the warning and not return at this time of danger._

_He aimed arrow after arrow to dislodge the ropes tying the ladders. But the enemy kept going even when half of their force is down._

_But Jean knows their remaining force might not be enough for another attack he's anticipating -even when they survives this._

_The King returned seven days later. He immediately knew something was wrong when a thick smoke emits from inside the walls of his kingdom._

_When the gate opens, he was welcomed by the grief of his people. He stared at the castle and saw his mother, but-_

_His horse galloped so fast until he reached the stairs of the castle. He was stopped when a voice called out._

 

_"Your Majesty!"_

 

_Turning around, he saw a young girl clutching a familiar stationary at her hands. She holds it out to him, her eyes cast downwards._

_"Lord Jean asked me to give this to you when you returned."_

_Sam dismount from his horse and reached out for the letter, noticing the seal. "Do you know where he is?" He asked the little girl softly._

_"Sorry, sir. But I don't."_

_"You may go back to your home." Sam tried to smile at her but failed. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over to his mother._

_"What happened?" He asked._

_"We were attacked at midnight seven nights ago. The women and children were kept safe underground as your soldiers follow defense strategy you planned. The enemy breached the walls even with their low number. Jean ordered to guard the underground gates at all cost as he fights them off with the rest of your Knights."_

_"Where is he?" Sam asked, refusing to look at his mother. His hand clutching tightly to the letter._

_"He's dead."_

 

_That night, as the King watch the rest of the thick smoke from the burned carcasses of the enemy disappear into the night, he opens the letter._

_He read it a few times, just to make sure he understands. Then he closed it, put it to his pocket and strode out of his room._

_Sneaking past the guards and into the night, he found himself in that same clearing in the forest._

_It's still the same, making him feel like he's the only one who changed. He stares at the moon and the stars above, eyes glistening with unshed tears._

 

_"I know."_

 

* * *

 

Poe sighed in defeat. It was always a long one. That story is always a long one. But then, all of it was long.

He gaze up at the stars and wonders if its true. If all of it was true. Or if another story is happening now.

"So what do you think?" He asked Ben.

"It's very long." The other boy said. "And sad,  how do you call that the greatest love story ever told?"

"It's not, its just a part of it."

"What, I don't understand." Ben said, frowning.

"Someday you will. Come on, I'm sleepy." Poe stood up and hold his hand out for Ben.

While Poe is still sleeping beside him, Ben took a pen and paper out of his friend's nightstand and wrote.

 

_"It's a beautiful story. Thank you."_

 

Then he added, as if on second thought.

 

_"What did Jean wrote in his letter?"_

 

He folded the paper and carefully put it under Poe's pillow, careful as not to awake up.

Ben returned the pen to the nightstand and lied back down. He heard Poe murmuring a bit and then he fell asleep, dreaming of the forest, the nightsky and a ship streaking past the stars.

 

<<<>>>

 

 

Poe was fifteen years old when Ben was sent to train with his Uncle Luke. He was seated on the cockpit of his mother's A-wing, while Ben is leaning on its side. His head bent down and refusing to look at Poe.

"You'll be okay, Ben. I know you'll be great."

"But I -" He was interrupted when Poe jumped out of the cockpit and stood in front of him, one hand grasping his shoulder while the other smooths the hair back from his face.

"What are you afraid of, Ben?"

Ben looks at Poe, really looks at him. He's grown so beautiful he thinks, the last time they met was when he told him his favorite story. But that was months ago.

"I'm afraid of leaving." Ben finally said, looking down and defeated. "I'm afraid that when I leave, I will not be able to return."

He knows its stupid. Of course he will still return, time after time, he will be with his Uncle anyway. He's only doing this to learn to control the power inside him, like what his mother said.

But still, the thought of leaving scares him.

He will be leaving everything behind. His parents, Chewbacca, his droid projects, Poe.

 

He will leave Poe behind.

 

Suddenly, Ben was crushed into a tight hug. Poe burying his face at his neck. Slowly he brought his arms up and grasp the back of Poe's shirt, hugging back just as tightly.

"I will always be here, Ben. You're not leaving me behind, okay? I'm not that easy to get rid of. I'll always wait for you, I promise."

Ben thought he feels a slight wetness at his neck, and realize Poe was crying. He squeezed the other boy back and tried to fight back the tears.

"I'll always come back for you, Poe."

And that's how they were. Ben would come home to his parents from time to time. Sometimes he will visit Poe when he have a time to spare at the Jedi temple on Yavin IV. After all time is important in Jedi training. Sometimes he will sneak when he taught his Uncle doesn't know to see Poe in one of his many podracing competition. Or when he asks Poe to accompany him while he meditates by the river.

So when Poe, now twenty years old left to be a Republic Pilot -their time to see each other has been short, if not rare.

Poe was quickly known in the Republic and his comrades by his talents and maybe because of his slight recklessness.

 

Just a little, he likes to insist.

 

The soon-to-be-best-damn-pilot-in-the-galaxy is doing the rounds of checking on his X-wing when a deep voice snapped him to attention.

"You have a visitor, cadet Dameron."

Poe smiles to himself, he would know that voice anywhere. "And who would that visitor be?" He resumes what he was doing in an attempt to look busy.

"Someone who missed you too much. And wishes to see your smile again."

Now grinning widely, Poe turned to face his friend. Ben removed the hood of his cloak, revealing his smile. Poe hopped from his ship and hugged his friend.

"It's been a while, Ben."

"I know, Poe. I'm sorry. It's just that the training is even more d-"

Poe pushed Ben at arms length and stared up at him. "Stop. I understand. And damn boy, you were supposed to be smaller,  _little prince._ "

"Poe! Don't say that out loud. Someone might hear."

Poe laughs, "Hear what? That Leia Organa-Solo's son is my _little prince?_ Don't worry, Ben."

"And why should I not?" Ben asked, that exasperated look back on his face which makes Poe smile even wider.

"Because it's only me who gets to call you that." Poe said, that shit eating grin back on his face that makes Ben want to punch him sometimes. But Ben refrains and resorted to just rolling his eyes.

"Whatever, Dameron."

Poe tries to wound his arm around Ben's neck but he's grown so tall for that, so he just clapped a hand to his shoulder as he drag them away from the hangar bay.

"So, why are you here?"

"My master was summoned by the Republic officials to discuss something. As one of his older padawans, it is my duty to accompany him."

"Oh." Poe said, he seems to be thinking of something then he added. "Probably because one of the officials is your mom. So you get to see her."

"Yeah." Ben looked down at their feet, unsure. "Maybe that."

Poe noticed his best friend's uneasiness. He knows that Ben tends to worry on things too much. And he also knows its because Ben cares too much and too deeply. He doesn't want to disappoint his parents or his uncle for that matter. He weighs the responsibility to live up to the family legacy as though it would crush him anytime.

And Poe fears that someday, it might do just that.

So instead of dwelling in worries and doubt, he smiles at Ben and said "Come on, then! I want to show you something."

They reached Poe's quarters and he let Ben sit on his bed as he rummage for _that_ thing on his closet.

"I thought you finally training would learn to keep his room in a state of order."

"That's not exciting, Ben." Poe murmurs a silent curse, still not finding what he's looking for.

"What's not exciting?" Ben said, leaning back on Poe's bed as he stare at his best friend.

"Order." He answered simply. "Kriff! Why is it when you're not looking for something it pops up, and when you're looking for it, it disappears?! I'm sure I've put it here!" As though to add to his point he kicked his closet close.

"Order." Ben smirks at him.

"Oh!" Poe ran back to the bed and shove Ben aside, digging at the mattress under the pillows.

"What the heck, Poe."

"It's hell, learn to curse properly, Benny."

Ben playfully shoved him and Poe just smiled.

"Yes! Its here." Poe exclaimed.

"What is it?"

"Remember your gift to me on my fifteenth birthday?"

"Yes, it's around your neck Poe." Ben smiles at him.

"Well, here." Poe holds a necklace out to him.

The cord is a black leather much like the one Ben gave to Poe. But the pendant is what caught his eye.

It was a crystal. Not like the pure blue one he found when he was a kid and tied to a string and gave to Poe. It was a red crystal with blue in its center. It looks as though the blue shines from within and emanates its light to outshine the red.

"Poe." Ben grins, eyes still trained at the crystal. "It's beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it, Benny." Poe chuckles. "Here let me put it to you."

Ben leans forward, as Poe wound his arms around his neck and tie the cord. It hangs just the right way so it was concealed by his robes, like the way Poe's was concealed by his shirts or flight suits.

"Thank you, Poe." Ben looks at his friend as Poe raises his gaze, suddenly aware how close they are.

"Yo-you're welcome, Ben." Poe silently cursed himself for stuttering. Like _, damnit Dameron, this is it, this is it, you've been wanting to do this, right? Then kriffing do it, for Force's sake._

Then Ben was closing the distance between their lips. And when he felt Ben's lips on him, he sighed and closed his eyes. Thinking he's right at how soft it was. And how right this is.

Poe kissed him back, moving one of his hand to tangle at Ben's hair and the other at the back of his neck. He felt Ben's hand traveling up his torso and rest at his heart, his thumb feeling the crystal of Poe's necklace.

"Ben, I-"

"Poe." Ben stares at him and smiles, "will you wait for me?"

"Until when?"

"Until I finish my training." Ben shifted his gaze from him. "I mean, you don't have to. I just-"

Poe shut him up with another kiss. Ben gasp in surprise and Poe kissed him even deeper, pulling him closer.

"I'll wait for you." Poe whispers to his lips. "I'll always be here."

"Just a few more months, Poe. I promise."

"Okay, Ben, okay." He smiles then kisses him again. Poe doesn't think he would ever get tired of kissing Ben.

 

<<<>>

 

Months later, Poe Dameron was summoned to Leia Organa-Solo's office after the debriefing with his squadron regarding their latest scout of the Mirrin Sector.

"Commander Dameron." General Organa greeted him. "Please sit down. We need to discuss something."

Poe sat, staring at the General and waiting for her to speak.

"Listen, Poe. The New Republic's efforts to eliminate the threat that the First Order imposes is not enough." Leia started, her stare calculating Poe with every word she's saying. "Which is why I proposed to lead a new band of people to stand against them. This, of course with support from a few of the New Republic's senators."

Poe nods, he thinks he knows where this is going.

"I'm only informing you, Commander Dameron. You're always welcome to join the Resistance." Leia smiled at him. "You know that I trust your judgement."

Taking a deep breath, Poe stares at his hands and contemplates his choices. Of course he wants to join. Heck, he wants to make his parents proud. He wants to be just like them -to defend the galaxy. That's always been his dream.

He looks at the General who gave him an understanding smile. "Don't worry, Poe. You don't have to right now "

"I agree that the New Republic isn't taking the First Order seriously. And that further efforts has to be made." He paused. "So yes, yes, I'll join the Resistance."

"You know that this means you're defecting from the New Republic and your duties-"

"Yes, General, I know." Poe grins. "I've been wanting to do that for sometime." He chuckles, feeling proud at his decision.

Leia smiles too. Thankful that Poe agreed, she knows how helpful and significant he will be on this fight. "Thank you, Poe."

"No, thank _you,_ General."

 

 

Days passed and Poe decided to visit his father at Yavin IV.

He went to their house and found his father fixing his mother's old A-wing. They spent the day together and Poe told his father about the Resistance.

"Be careful, Poe. It is war, you can't trust anyone during war."

"I trust the General."

"Yes, but those you knew will not always protect you. And those you trust may hurt you." His father had said, before retiring to his room and leaving him for the night.

Poe found himself under the Force-sensitive tree outside their house, gazing at the stars above -reminiscing the days he spent here, together with his family, with Ben.

He smiles, remembering that night when he told Ben about his favorite story. His mom just made that up, he always had that feeling. And yet, he loved it. Loved the idea that love can be reborn and still remains the same -that love can wait.

Poe feels Ben before he sees him. Which tends to happen since they were kids. Poe always thought it's because of Ben's connection with the Force.

"Did you know that one time, the boy was a siren and the other was a pirate. Then there's that part where he's a warlock and he's just a human -consumed by old age and leaving his warlock behind. Or that one time, when he was an angel." Poe looks at Ben. "And he was a human, striving to change the world."

"Why did you do it, Poe?" Ben asked.

"Do what?"

"Don't play confused with me. You know what I'm talking about!" Ben was angry, Poe had never seen him this mad before. "I asked you to wait, not join my mother's new band of rebels!"

"Well what am I supposed to do?" Poe stood up. "Wait for you and do nothing? I'm the best damn pilot in the galaxy, Ben, I need to do something!" he's equally mad now. How could he? How could Ben not understand?

"You don't know the First Order like I do, Poe. It's too dangerous."

"So what, I'm just going to sit here and do nothing?!" He walked towards Ben, now standing almost face to face with him. "I thought _you_ of all people would understand. Ben, I want to do this. I _need_ to fight."

He tried to convey his thoughts to Ben, his emotions in hopes that he will understand. He always does before, even when Poe have a lot of friends -Ben is always the one who understands him. Always. But when Ben turned away from him and put on his hood. Poe thinks his heart just broke.

"Goodbye, Poe."

Poe Dameron just stood there, staring at Ben until he disappears into the night. It hurts -so much, but he's too numb to feel anything right now. Too numb to let the thought that his love left him to sink in. That his love left him alone in a fight where he thought they could be side by side until the end.

He should've known it's too impossible to happen.

Ben is a jedi. Jedi live free of all attachments. Love is dangerous for a jedi -forbidden, even. It teared the great ones apart. Love distorts a Jedi's judgement -clouds his mind with worry, with fear. And fear leads to anger. But Ben-

He thought maybe Ben was different. But, in the end-

_Why did he have to make Poe believe?_

He stood there for so long he'd lost track. Trying to discern where it got all wrong, where he failed to understand Ben as much as Ben failed to understand him.

 

But he never let a single tear fall from his eyes.

 

And when the wind blew too harsh -too cold- he stormed inside their house and leave a note to his father. He jumped into the cockpit of his X-wing and flew into the stars, and when he arrived back to the New Republic he locked himself in his quarters.

Barely two days passed when someone knocked at his door.

He opened it to find the General looking grim and sad. "We need to talk."

Poe found himself inside the General's office once again. Noticing the clear table and sealed boxes, he assumed that this is it -they're going to move base.

But when Han Solo and Chewbacca entered the room, he knew something was wrong.

Chewie let out a long groan and hugged Leia. Han standing beside them and looking anywhere but Poe.

"Why, what happened?"

"There's been a massacre at the Jedi temple." Han finally looked at him. "No one survived."

 


	2. Chapter 2

_"And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you."_   
**-Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars**

 

* * *

 

 

Fighting a war isn't easy. It never was, never will be. But Poe stood his ground.

He quickly rose through the ranks of the Resistance. Responsibly and competently living up to his title of _Black Leader_ and _Resistance Commander Dameron._

So when General Organa asked him to retrieve an important piece of information on a secret mission -he quickly agreed and jumped into action.

Turns out that piece of information is a map that will lead to Luke Skywalker -the only Jedi master left, and who also _left_ after what happened.

Nobody talks about _what_ happened.

And Poe doesn't talk about _him._

To say that the sands of Jakku is anything but irritating is an incredible underestimation. Being so fond of flying, Poe never enjoyed the sand. Especially not this _much_ sand. But he could bear it. Anything for the Resistance.

He found what he needed at the hands of a traveler named Lor San Tekka. Who handed him the map with complete trust that he will be able to deliver it to the General.

Poe doesn't doubt it. As long as nothing comes his way.

"This will begin to make things right." Lor San Tekka said. "I've traveled too far and seen too much to ignore the despair in the Galaxy. Without the Jedi there can be no balance in the Force."

"Well, now because of you we have a chance." said Poe, pausing and staring at the drive in his hand. "The General has been after this for a long time."

"The General?" The old man smiles, as though reminiscing. "To me she's royalty."

"Well, she certainly is that."

BB-8 hastily entered the hut, blurting out worried beeps as he roll on the sand.

Poe gulped before he turn to Lor San Tekka. "We got company."

They both ran outside. Raising his binoculars, Poe can see the arrival of enemy ships. Which only means one thing.

The First Order is here.

"You have to hide."

"You have to leave."

Glancing at the old man who only gave him a nod, he turned to BB-8 and gestured to go.

"Come on BB-8, hurry." And they ran. He ran back to his X-wing as BB-8 rolled after him.

It's there, just a few more before those blasted Stormtroopers run out of their shuttle. Poe immediately jumped and put his helmet on as BB-8 tucks into position. It gave a few beeps and a blast hit the back of the ship.

Poe aimed at the stormtroopers and fired before carrying his blaster out and cursing.

He silently hopes that-

The engine is burning. Just kriffing great. He only have a few choices left now, and Poe knows he have to think clearly. In and out, just breathe.

He walked to BB-8, ducking his head so no one will see them. "Take this. It is safer with you than it is with me. You get as far away from here as you can. Do you hear me?"

BB gave a worried beep. "I'll come back for you!" Poe assures, nodding at his droid. "We'll be alright."

And with that he ran back to the scene of the fires and the screams -the uniformed and anonymous stormtroopers. Aiming his blaster and shot at least three, four stormtroopers before he felt it.

He felt it, before he sees it.

A shuttle is slowly descending to the sands of Jakku and Poe stares. He stares in amazement at the glory of the ship, at the presence surrounding.

A _familiar_ presence surrounding it.

He waits. Waits until the ramp lowers and a tall, hooded figure strode out.  Poe feels his breath hitch at the familiarity. A sense of familiarity he couldn't quite put his fingers on.

_Damn it, Dameron. Compose yourself._

The man looks around the chaos, Poe could tell he is almost uninterested in it. If not for the old man who is standing in front of him.

This is what Poe fears the most. This is what he _hates_ the most. When innocent people, innocent lives are put into danger because of this war. Because of the First Order threatening them, killing them.

He watch in repulsion as the two talks. He can feel the anger rising at the masked figure that is Kylo Ren, can see the glinting of the fires on his mask that only hardens his appearance even more.

But when he ignited that burning red lightsaber, Poe jumped into action. And when he killed Lor San Tekka -all hesitation flew out and Poe fired his blaster.

And then everything stopped. Poe can still feel the vibration of the weapon after it fired. He can see the blaster shot stopped in mid-air. Can feel the Force binding him and refusing to let him move.

Two stormtroopers dragged him -one of them stashing his blaster away as he kept staring at the blaster shot. He was forced to his knees before the man, who crouched and tilts his head -studying him.

Poe, of course, wouldn't let this opportunity pass. "So who talks first? You talk first, I talk first?"

"The old man gave it to you." Kylo Ren said. And Poe barely contained the shiver that ran through his spine. _That voice._

"Search him." Ren orders as he stood. The stormtroopers dragged him up and ran their hands up and down his body -frisking him.

"Nothing, sir." One of them said.

"Bring him onboard." Ren said without hesitation.

They pushed him forward to walk and lead him aboard the shuttle Ren came from. He heard another mechanical voice ask.

"Sir, the villagers?"

"Kill them all." Ren answers without missing a beat.

Poe's eyes widens, and even though its futile he still uttered, "No." Before Jakku disappeared behind him and the two stormtroopers still clutching at his arms.

 

* * *

 

He woke up when he feel that presence again, when he feel like something is watching him.

Refusing to open his eyes just yet, Poe opted to feel his bruised body. Those stormtroopers surely did a number on him, but joke's on them because Poe never uttered a single word.

"I didn't know we had the best pilot in the Resistance onboard." The voice paused, "You comfortable?"

Poe slowly raise his head, eyes hooded and mouth set to a frown. He was tempted to sneer at Kylo Ren, but fights the urge to do so. "Not really."

"I'm impressed." Ren stands and walks closer to him. "No one has been able to get out of you -what you did with the map."

"You might want to rethink your technique."

At that, Ren reaches a hand out to him. Poe anticipates something -anything- he knows that hand will hurt him and yet-

And yet it was as though Ren is hesitating.

"What's the matter?" Poe said, this time sneering at the man in front of him. "Getting scared, are you? I'm strapped in this chair and you're scared. What more if I could walk and not just talk?"

"Stop it." Ren turned away, fisting his hands at his side. "This will not happen again, I _swore_ it will not happen again."

"Oaths. Promises. Swear." Poe bitterly laughs, "It was all made to be broken."

Ren stopped, turning his head to look at Poe over his shoulders. "How would you know?"

"Not all are meant to stay. People leaves. And when they do, that's when they break their promises." Poe said. He doesn't even know if he's just saying this to delay his imminent torture or if that's what he truly feels.

Deep inside, maybe that's what he truly _fears._

That _he_ will break his promise and not come home.

"What do you fear, Poe?" Ren asks, facing Poe. The pilot noticed how his shoulders seem to sag a bit, his voice softens despite the mechanical edge the mask gives it. And how he addressed him with _his_ name, saying it as though he hadn't uttered it in a long time.

How he feels the emotions flowing out of him.

"Why should I tell you?" Poe asks in return, no- he _challenges_ in return.

"Because I might know what you feel." Ren said. Then he raises his hands to his mask, clicking at something on the jaw and the lower front dislodges -allowing him to take off the mask.

And when he did, Poe feels as though the air was punched out of his lungs.

He must be delusional. Heck, is this what the Force can do to the mind when its used by the Dark Side? Make them remember the people that hurts them the most.

Make them remember the _person_ they _lost_.

With wide, shocked eyes, Poe whispers as though what he will say next might make the man in front of him disappear; then he'll wake up with cold sweat again -lingering touches to his face, a pair of lips on his own.

"B-ben?"

The man scoffs, condescending. "Ben Solo is dead. I killed him."

"No. You're-"

Ren put his hands on either side of the metal slab Poe is strapped on. The pilot has to stop himself from talking, gasping instead at the sudden closeness between them.

Between _him_ and _Ben._

"I only wear his face." Ren said, locking eyes with Poe. "His body. But I'm not him. He's weak and foolish."

"And he-" Ren moves his lips to Poe's ear before saying, "loved you too much."

Poe clenched his jaw, shutting his eyes so he wouldn't see the smug expression on Ren's face at the effects of his words to him. He can feel his breath on his face, so close as a lover would and yet he says he's not.

He said it as though he never was.

"And I love him still." Poe opens his eyes to see the other one's go wide in shock. See his captor go rigid in front of him, arms tensed on either side of his body.

"And I love _you_ still."

Ren snarls in anger, hand going impulsively to his lightsaber. Turning his back to Poe like he did all those years ago. "You're lying!"

"I'm not!" This, Poe remembers this - _this anger_. He might not have been able to stop it before -to understand it before but he does now. And he will do anything to get his Ben back.

_Anything._

Even if that anything is his life.

He knows escape in the hands of the First Order is almost impossible right now. What with his droid still on Jakku. If BB-8 don't get any help on getting back to base -he's doomed.

But even if that is the case. He'll still die trying to have him back.

He'll die saving _him_. Even if that death is in _his_ own hands.

"Please, Ben. Don't break your promise."

Ren remained in his spot. Hand on his lightsaber, whole body tensed.

"You asked me to wait for you." Poe continues, fighting back the sob that threatens to take over his words. "I am waiting, Ben. Please come home."

"I don't have a home." Ren looks over at him on his shoulder, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Not anymore."

"Please come home to me."

And then the tears started falling. Again. For Ben. It was always him. He always make Poe feel everything. Always makes him even more reckless, and yet dedicated. More loving, and more sacrificing. Makes him feel love, and then grief.

He thought he'd lost him before, Poe is sure as hell won't let that happen again now.

Love can wait. He had waited for a long time. _Mourned_ for a long time. Isn't that enough?

The binds on his wrist and legs were suddenly released but Poe refused to move. Instead he put his hand to his mouth, trying to muffle his sobs.

For a moment or two, the pilot's muffled sobs is the only thing that can be heard in the room. Until footsteps echoed and Ren is walking towards him.

And then arms bracing around him, Poe can feel the warmth of the other man's body. The sense of familiarity washing over him -to the both of them again.

"I'm sorry, Poe." Ren said in a low voice. "I'm sorry for everything."

Fisting his hands at the black robes, Poe tries to calm his breathing. Tries to stop his body from shaking. Years of training may have taught him how to remain strong during interrogations but this -nothing could've prepared him for this.

"You left me." Poe pushes him away, but the other won't relent. "You left me and now you're sorry?"

"Apologies cannot change the fact that we're enemies now." Ren pulled back, leans his forehead at Poe's. "Love cannot change anything now."

"You bastard-" Poe starts, but when he sees the tears silently running down _Ben's_ face he stopped.

"How can you say that?" said Poe in a defeated tone. Why is he losing this fight again?

"Because there's no other choice, Poe." Ren smiles bitterly. "Not for me."

The silence stretched for such a long time. The two still holding each other close.

Despite what Ren said, he knows  that its not all true. Ben Solo might be dead in him, but he sure as hell holding on to something.

To _someone._

And that someone is standing in front of him. That someone, even with the abrupt changes of events, the revelations of what truly happened in the past -still chose him.

To wait for him.

And he doesn't know anymore. Kylo Ren -the master of the Knights of Ren, Commander of the First Order is, for once in a long time, completely and utterly lost.

"Do you still remember it?" Poe said.

"I remember a lot of things of Poe."

"And yet you said-"

Ren touches the side of his face, caresses his cheekbones with a gloved thumb. "Memories cannot changed what I've become."

Hearing those words come from his lips breaks Poe's heart again. Even he doesn't know anymore. This is a lost cause he's been fighting ever since Ben 'died'. But now? Now that it's been shoved in his face how pointless this war is-

He just want to have that dream again.

To grab Ben's hand and drag him away to his x-wing. Even with the small space in the cockpit, they'll make it work. Poe will fly them away from all this chaos. Will fly them towards their own world. Where nothing can hurt them, nothing can separate them.

Covering Ren's hand on his face, Poe kissed his palm before saying, "If memories can't change you, then let it give you life."

And for the first time since he became Kylo Ren -he smiles, not because of the destruction around him but because of this wonderful man standing before him.

Poe kissed him softly on the lips. Closing his eyes as he feel the other's response. It was unhurried, perfect in all the way their current situation never was. The kind of kiss that spoke of longing, and may be hopeful of something more in the future.

When they pull away for breath, Poe locked eyes with Ben. There's something in him that refuses to believe that this is another man -that this is Kylo Ren he is holding, kissing. Not that boy he learned to love. There's something that separates those two, but Poe knows he can't have neither.

"I cannot give you what you want." said Poe. "I'm not going to betray the Resistance."

"I know." Ren said, placing a kiss on his forehead. Poe may not betray the Resistance, but Ren betrayed him -again. And he hates himself even more because of it. Desperately wishing that he could be Ben Solo again right now, so he could be with this man he was so sure was meant for him; as he is to him. But their story doesn't mean to go that way, that, he knows for sure.

Because Poe Dameron may be his strongest cling to the Light. But it was the Dark that kept - _and is keeping_ \- him alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's play a game called "guess what really happened"
> 
> I'm more into the fact that despite Poe's bravery, when faced by something(someone) he loves, he turns to a completely different person, like what my friend (who is not really into Star Wars) said: _"He's care-free. He gets what he wants but also has respect to the one he loves. Can have a bit of temper but hears out your opinion. He'll give you the whole galaxy if that will make you happy. He looks past beyond dark hearts to see the light beyond"_
> 
> After this, total shit will go down swinging.

**Author's Note:**

> You can send me some prompts over at my [tumblr.](http://obsessivelyintrigued.tumblr.com)
> 
> Unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine. Sorry, english is not my first language. But I do what I can.
> 
> I really love [poetdameron's](http://poetdameron.tumblr.com) headcanon that Poe calls Ben his little prince. So yeah. It's just too cute to pass up, sorry.


End file.
